Do Single Moms Deserve Father’s Day Cards if Dad Isn’t Doing His Job?

I say without a doubt, damn skippy! Hallmark released a line of cards in 2014 which provided children with the ability to honor their mothers on Father’s Day for all her years of sacrifice and hard work. I thought it was an excellent idea, and representative of the high number of single parent homes in this country, especially in the black community. But there are a lot of people who disagreed, sometimes vehemently, with my position once they saw this meme.

It was interesting to see that on my FB page this meme garnered more than 300 shares in 24 hours, and had plenty of men and women commenting on it. Without a doubt the hands on fathers, either married and living with their children, or devotedly in their children’s lives on a regular basis, had no problem with mothers getting a Father’s Day card. They couldn’t understand why the guys complaining were so butthurt.

On the other hand were the males who got UP SET and felt that a woman getting a Father’s Day card somehow took away from the day for them. I  don’t see how that could be possible when they are talking about some cards they’ll never see, given to women they don’t know, purchased by children they will never see or know either, with money that isn’t theirs!

But somehow they feel that it makes it bad for them, and hurt them in some unknown, unexplainable way.

Seemed an amazing leap of logic to me.

Anyway, my second point is that merely being there to create the baby does NOT make you a father. Father is the one who does the work. Whether that be a foster parent, an adoptive parent, two women, two men, grandparents, other relatives, or the kid’s mom. Anyone who loves that child can provide both mothering and fathering to her children as defined in our current society. Because really, biology in reproduction is the only difference in our abilities to nurture and care for our offspring. I’ve met some men who are wonderfully patient and nurturing with their children, and some women who don’t want to be bothered and would rather be at work than change diapers.

Different societies do things differently, so there is no one “rule” about what constitutes “mother” and “father” when you have a global perspective.

My third point is that so many black folks didn’t understand that Hallmark’s Mahogany line is an entire LINE of greeting cards, not just the single parent card. They were jumping up and down calling for boycotts of Hallmark, racism and a host of other crazy things without knowing any facts other than what they read in the meme. They took that, jumped to conclusions and developed the idea that their thoughts were facts to be acted upon.

 

Just so YOU know, the Mahogany line features black children, black women and black children, and are available for every holiday and event including Kwanzaa, high school and college graduations, weddings, anniversaries, and birthdays. Hallmark released the cards for single moms this year, and made them available in their general line as well. Surprise guys! They also sell Happy Mother’s Day cards for men, just like they do for Father’s Day cards for moms.

So then we come to the big question of the day… Why is a woman being honored by her children for wearing two hats such a problem for black men?

Many expressed that they felt women were “taking over their day.” Not that a made up holiday is anything to take, but let’s just go with that.  I was surprised at the angst because, amazingly enough, the solution to this problem is very simple – be there for your children yourself!

Mom can’t step into shoes that are filled and well worn, only shoes that are empty. Mom won’t have to wear two hats and play both Mom and Dad if Daddy is there going to games, teaching his children things, taking them places, reading them stories, and lecturing them about life. So if you and every other man is filling the shoes of “Father” for his children, there would be no need for Hallmark to make cards for single mothers so that children could honor their Mommies on Father’s Day.

What’s your take on it?